I haven’t written in my diary in such a long time. It feels good. :-)
Soft. Warm. Close. Safe.
I get to write a short story for my honors english about one of my wishes. And the one I chose to write about is living without my disorder and anxiety. Writing this makes me realize how much better my life can be once I get passed all of it. It motivates me to work harder.
I’m going to try my best. :-)
SO, y’all probs won’t, but if you want can you like this so I can check out your blog?
LOL not looking for notes, I just wanna see something neeeew. Thanks! ☺
Granted, I’ll be 16 in less than a month, but whatever.
For starters, I am just like the worst person ever. Honestly. Shittiest person award, that’s me.
And really, I’ve tried everything to help myself get over this emetophobia. But it is IMPOSSIBLE. The anxiety literally never goes away. The paranoia never goes away. I’m trying so hard not to, but I’m developing anorexia from it because I am so afraid of food. of what it can do to me. I’m depressed, all the time. I don’t show it, it’s really easy to hide. My dad’s an alcoholic, so I have that shit to deal with on the weekends. My friends don’t give a flying fuck about me until it’s to benefit them. My sister’s gone to college all the fucking time so I have no one around that even comes remotely close to understanding me or giving a shit about me. I haven’t had a boyfriend in over a year, haven’t been kissed for about 3 months. But I’m also basically Virgin Mary so I have nothing to worry about in that department. LAWL. Not. ~Le sigh.
I literally disappoint my mother with every breath I take.
My grades are going to shit. My basketball game isn’t improving at all. It’s actually getting worse. And without that, I have nothing. Zero. Nada.
How can I even feel this way at such a young age? It may not be serious, but I feel so lost. I feel like I’m staring at a blank wall with a constant stomach ache and headache that won’t go away.
I miss when I was happy.
Today’s just one of those days where I feel truly blessed. I have amazing friends and the most hilarious and loving family. I feel very fortunate.